Tuesday, July 29, 2008

There has got to be another way....

So gentle (and not-so-gentle but nonetheless creative) readers...I need some suggestions.

I hate blind dating.

I hate Jdate. And Dosidate. And every other dating website.

The thought of going on yet another blind date courtesy of one of these sites literally makes my stomach hurt. (I am not exaggerating--I feel the kind of dread that I have not felt since I sat for the Israeli CPA exams). And yet, if I want to ever meet anyone and start dating regularly and maybe even some day have that wonderful trip to Cyprus...I have no choice but to return to Jdate. Or, at least, so I am told.

Tell me something different. Tell me what I want to hear. Or at least something that I may not want to hear, but that does not have the same debilitating effect as "Jdate". In plain English (which I can speak though I choose not to most of the time)...how can a 30-something meet a guy "normally".

Because, at this point, "going to a sleazy bar where I can get wasted, pick up loose men and screw them in the bathrooms, b'ezrat Hashem!" is starting to look like a good idea, or at least an efficient one.

For those of you who want to give suggestions:

1) Read any comments--no suggestion can be given more than once.
2) By all means, feel free to have fun with this.

And--best of all, I promise to actually try all of the suggestions that are 1) feasible and 2) legal. And report back.

26 comments:

TalTalK said...

Let me share where I've met the guys I have dated since I moved to Israel:

1) Home Center - wanted to buy a frame, couldn't remember how to say it in Hebrew, took 10 minutes of charades and pictionary till he figured it out - only to say they don't have them. One of my longer relationships
2) The security guard at the entrance to the restaurant where I was meeting my friend for lunch
3) One of the band members on a TV show I used to work on (not recommended)
4) Gym - one of the longer relationships. Added bonus: He already saw me at my worst.
5) Friend's party - super hot guy with the attention span of a rubber band (the tiny ones for braces)
6) Dude who hit on me cause my car had a sticker on it that said "American by birth, Texan by the grace of G-d"
7) Dude who hit on me cause my dad's car had an Arcaffe sticker on it (he was a VP there at the time)
8) An actor who was a guest on a show I was working on (not recommended)
9) The entire band and backup singers of a mizrahi singer on a show I was working on (also not recommended, though it makes for a great country song)

As you can see, I have nothing normal to contribute here. Also, most of these were when I was in my mid-20s (at 25 it is OK for someone to be a security guard or work at Home Center cause they're probably students. Not so much at 31).

I wish you luck, though.

orieyenta said...

I say we place an auction up for a date with you over at Jack's Place at the top of Haveil Havalim sort of like what Neil did.

-or-

Since LO was pretty successful at playing shadchan for me, I could always lend her to you.

-or-

And then there's always what my Rabbi had suggested - davening at the Kever of Rabbi Yontan Ben Uziel (mind you, he prefaced this with, "I know you are not desperate right now, but...if you don't meet someone in a year or so...")

tafka PP said...

Right. I've just set an overdue wheel in motion for you (I mentioned it a while ago- along the re-use/re-new/recycle principle?) I'll report back!!

Jerusalem Artichoke said...

I like the auction idea. In fact, Gila has been known to give parties in order to raise money for charity. Perhaps we should auction her off.

Maybe we can come up with a little app, or a contest, that all of you with blogs can post. I'm actually being serious here.

We could call it, "Get Gila married." Or perhaps just, "Get Gila laid."

Gila said...

Auction/FR suggestions...you know, I do have to raise money for Alyn!

For the record, last year, my official fundraising slogan for Alyn was "Help me get laid". It did not work--everyone on the ride was married and besides, after five days on a bicycle..... But it was creative and amusing enough to induce people to give money. I have been wracking my brain for this year's slogan; nothing that quite delivers the same shock value has come to mind.

I wonder if the Alyn folks would approve of this? Hmmm...better not tell them. Unless they want to give money, of course.

PP--Oh? Do tell!

kleine Maus said...

No problem Gila, I will send "what was his name again" a message to have a look on your website.

SLEAZY BAR VISITORS DO IT STICKY!

Jack said...

Have you tried Speed Blogging.

Anonymous said...

My best dates, back in the Dark Ages, were either guys I connected with through co-workers OR neighbors, especially married neighbors. Everyone knows someone who is single -- but the catch is, it's still a blind date.

Good divorced friend wanted to remarry--she treated it like a job search. She'd go on ONE blind date on Fri. night, have dinner/coffee/beer, whatever seemed least threatening, inform the guy (1) she's divorced (2) she has children (insert ages) and (3) she is dating because she wants to be married again. It got rid of the riff-raff right away.

She also introduced me to the 90-day rule--if you decide he's not marriage material (or permanent live-in-hunk material), dump him after 90 days -- otherwise you're wasting your time.

I really do think you need to approach it unromantically and like its a job search-I found out the hard way that the exciting guys who set my pulse racing were always mistakes and the unromantic but honest guys were the keepers--and I eventually married one of the latter.

Ari said...

There's gotta be a recreational biking club that meets every weekend....or maybe start / join a softball league for expats or natives.

Ye'he Sh'mey Raba Mevorach said...

I'm not allowed to say "friends' recommendations" because it has already been said. However I'd suggest rather than blind dates you have your friends invite you both to a party with other people there.
How sick to your stomach do singles weekends make you? DH and I had one date (and how we were introduced and why it took him more than 6 months to call me is a long story) and then discovered we were going to the same singles weekend. That was actually really positive. I also made great friends at another singles weekend. You just have to make sure it's not the same old same old crowd...

And I do keep you in mind.

Baila said...

I got nothin'...I met Isaac on a blind date, but I had to kiss many, many frogs first.

Shira Salamone said...

I've always been a great fan of meeting people in the process of doing what you enjoy, which is how I met my husband. You enjoy writing, so maybe you could take a writing course or join a writer's club.

And/or see who you meet at the Nefesh b'Nefesh blogger bash.

RivkA with a capital A said...

1. Call me, and I will try to follow up on some of the ideas I had, but have now forgotten (I need constant reminding -- blame it on the chemo!)

2. Bug your friends so much that they try to marry you off, just to get rid of you... (of course, in then end , you might find yourself with no guy and no friends.... so this isn't the best suggestion....)

3. Do things you like to do -- maybe you'll meet someone who will like to do it with you.

4. Do the things you don't want to do (computer dating / shidduchim singles Shabbatonim) -- Keep trying 'till it works

5. Pray (for the wisdom to recognize the right guy, when he's sitting right there, in front of your face!!)

6. Look for someone who will be your best friend

7. Call me -- I gotta know someone! (I know this is a repeat, but it's my own repeat, and probably the only good suggestion I got!)

Naomi said...

Online dating worked for me! I'm getting married soon. But what made the difference for us is in the same vein as anonymous's divorced friend: we immediately, in our second email, talked about what we wanted out of it. We both were not playing around, wanted to get married.

It's a scary thing to say to someone, I was very afraid to come across as desperate, but it really worked. And you could always use an alias!

Batya said...

You're going to be on the panel at the jblog-nbn thingee. Maybe that's the trick.

Baila said...

Okay, I got one. (Inspired by Batya who reminded us about the NBN Blogger Panel Gig). Wear your Whore-of-Babylon outfit to the convention. I bet you'll get lots of men that way! And then you proceed to Plan B (the Cyprus plan).

vedaal said...

"[ The thought of going on yet another blind date courtesy of one of these sites literally makes my stomach hurt ]"

is it the 'blind' part that bothers you?

if so,
then you can do video-chat
(there are many inexpensive cameras that fit right on your computer and can do video and audio in real time)

so,
whether you meet on a dating website or have friends set you up,
you can do the video as a 'pre-date'
and see if you are comfortable in pursuing it or not, for a 'real date'

also,
'Frum Satire'
had an idea of doing 'blogging shidduchim'
(and in the realm of 'blogs'
you're 'up there' ;-)

he's a very straightforward person, and also frustrated with the 'dating' scene,
so maybe you two can brainstorm together about what can be done
(at least you'll laugh and have a good talk ;-))

he will be at the blogger's convention in Yerushalayim:

http://frumsatire.wordpress.com/

Jack said...

but I had to kiss many, many frogs first.

I never knew you were in to Herpetology. ;)

Mia said...

Go where people you want to meet are. Find the ones you may want to know better and flirt, or make them (invite them to) hit on you.
One of the places to most people go is the grocery store, Home center is another.

Go to friends parties.

Are you still in Tel Aviv. That is not a place to find a long term relationship so start doing your grocery shopping elsewhere.
I know of only one friend who found love in Tel Aviv. All other couples met somewhere else before they moved back there.
The exception in TA is go watch and/or chear a recreational sports activity in Hayarkon park, Friday afternoon.
I wouldn't, so much, recommend matkot players on the beach.

Network especially with male friends who could have friends you would like to meet.

Go to places people talk to each other (the line at the bank, gym) and talk up someone you may like.

Don't ask for general introductions, find someone you may want to meet and ask a middle person to help you, or just go up to the person and find something to talk about.

asher said...

if it helps, I met my other half on a website (after all, living 6 miles apart, there was NOOOO way we would ever bump into each other)

you could also take up SCUBA diving (second person this week who I mentioned this to, not in the same context though), plenty (too bloody many) of men there.

Jameel @ The Muqata said...

Pick a recreational hobby you enjoy and there may be people there as well.

Some of those mentioned here might work;

softball or biking.

There used to be a weekly frisbee game in gan-sacher which was very successful.

Keep bugging your friends for ideas.

Jerusalem Artichoke said...

As one of those friends who should have male friends to introduce you to, I feel kinda helpless. We come from the same circle, and heck, YOU introduced ME to my husband--all of whose close friends are already paired off.

Playing off the SCUBA diving idea, it might pay to look for activities that have an imbalance of men.

So, folks, what (other than SCUBA diving) seems to attract disproportionately more men than women, and mght also be something Gila would enjoy?

Extra points for specific gathering times and places, and cookies for anyone who can personally introduce her to a new group activity.

(OK, I've been hanging around G. too long and am actually starting to offer bribes. Her chocolate-chip oatmeal cookies are crunchy. Mine are chewy. Let us know what you prefer.)

kleine Maus said...

Künftiger Schwiegerfater zum Schadchen: "Der junge Mann gefällt mir nicht schlecht. Aber eine Bedingung musz er mir erfüllen : er darf am Schabbes nicht arbeiten."
Schadchen: "Keine Angst! Sie können von ihm spielend leicht erreichen, dasz er auch die Woche über nicht arbeitet."

To make this blog more attractive to possible candidates with a German speaking background I have decided to throw in some additional information.

Leah said...

I'm (apparently) going to become the hostess of a dating blog. Singles will be vetted by me for features.

You will clearly be welcome to be profiled on the site--as a single I adore and want to see in a couple.

Eh, eh? Whaddya think?

asher said...

If you're getting ready for a bicycle ride...

You'd better wise up Gila Weiss
better wise up that's my advice
You'd better wise up
and build those thighs up
You'd better wise up Gila Weiss

credits to whoever can place where I ripped it off from

faith/emuna said...

maybe give a second look to any male friends you already have who youve never considered? i know a few couples who insisted they were only friends and are now happily married for yrs. or open yourself up to other options that you normaly resist (as in maybe you would never considered a widow with children and now you should, or would never consider a non english speaker etc )
praying for you and wishing you all the best