Facebook is the Devil's Spawn

I am firmly convinced that Facebook is the devil's own handiwork. I know, I know, people have been saying that for a while now. I was not convinced. But this week, something happened to convince me.

So it is like this. Remember how on Sunday I went running? Well, later on that day, a random thought invaded my brain. "Gila!" the random thought whispered. "How about training for a 5K run?"

Now, PRE-Facebook, the random thought would have hung around my brain for a few hours and then, for want of activity, would have shriveled up and died. This is as G-d intended. G-d does not want me to run 5K's. If He did, I would have been born a horse. But we are in a POST-Facebook world in which random thoughts (and the more random the better) are immediately enshrined on Facebook as "status updates". Accordingly, I popped onto Facebook and updated mine.

Gila: So, if I were to train for a 5K run, what 5K run would I want to do? 4:40pm

Within half an hour, one friend had sent me a list of local races. Another friend egged me on. And then, my friend Katherine responded. Katherine is not any friend. Oh no. Two weeks ago, Katherine and I started running (to be understood as "mostly walking with a bit of running tossed in for effect") on a weekly basis. This would make Katherine my official "running buddy".

Katherine: one with me of course :) what a jolly good idea - is that what we are doing?

I saw her response the next day. Clearly, at this point my answer should have been "No fucking way in hell! That was not me speaking—that was a rogue random thought that infected my brain. I am going to go off beat it with a stick now. Have a nice day!"

Yes indeed, that should have been my answer. And in a pre-Facebook world, that would have been my answer. But this is a Facebook world, a world that demands quick, clever answers. As a result, my answer was:

Gila: What the hell...yes, that is what we are doing. I even bought proper running shoes last night. All we need now is a 5K run.

At this point, my friend Sarah jumped in to inform us that there was no way that we were doing a 5K without her, allegedly to make sure that Katherine and I cannot talk about her behind her back. Of course this is nonsense. The real reason is that Sarah has been running approximately a zillion kilometers a week for the last year, and just wants to whip our asses.

As of my last run two days ago, I can run approximately one kilometer. And then I have to stop and hack up a lung or two.

I am so going to die.