It is official. My friends and I have decided to do a 5K run on May first. This would make me a Runner. Like any good runner, I have a training program. I designed it all by myself. It goes something like this:
- Get up in the morning. Before I do anything else—take my Eltroxin, drink coffee, whatever—I put on sweatpants, the Uniboober bra, a t-shirt and running shoes.
- Actually, the above is not entirely correct. The very first thing I do is to brush my teeth. I cannot do anything in the morning until I have brushed my teeth. If I were to wake up one night and find my house burning down around me, I am pretty sure I would make a mad dash to the bathroom to clean the pearly whites before I got around to escaping the house.
- Drink coffee and eat a banana.
- Prepare my food for the day
- Spend an hour putzing around: reading one of the fifty books I have lying about; surfing the net; doing household chores which I normally hate doing—but if they get me out of exercise, sababa! and many other random time-wasters.
- Look at the time. My! Is it that time already?
- I have no time to go running now!
- I have to go to work!
- What a shame!
- Take off the running gear, shower, get ready for work, and go.
Call me a pessimist if you will, but I suspect that this may not be the most effective training plan out there.