Monday, January 5, 2009

Having nothing to do with the war....

Call me a slave to tradition, but on New Year's Eve, I decided to start yet another diet. I know, it is passé, but starting and breaking diets is a serious hobby for me. As such, I can hardly allow such a momentous milestone as the secular new year to go by without starting another diet. So I did, and at work the next day, I mentioned this to my co-workers. I invited them to place bets on how many hours I would last before hitting the chocolate. But somehow, by some miracle, not the least of which is that no one is bringing in junk food now that we are finally done with those godforsaken Hannukah donuts, the diet survived the entire first day. It then proceeded to survive (more or less) the weekend.

Yesterday, at lunch, I updated my co-workers.

Me: My diet has not died yet!

Hadas: Good for you!

Me: But she is still very fragile. I am not going to name her unless she makes it a full week.

Asaf: Name it? Name a diet?

Me: Nu, not yet! It is still really touch and go.

Hadas: Right, you do not want to get too attached. You are better off waiting.

At this point, Asaf is clearly trying to figure out if I am insane or if my Hebrew is just so atrocious that I really am saying something that makes sense—I am just saying it badly. I barrel along.

Me: So, I think a week is good. If she can survive a week, she might be able to make the distance. That is when she gets a name.

Itai: Like a brit milah!

Me: Exactly. Just without the ceremony. And the food. Apart from maybe some chopped carrots.

Hmmmm…what should I call her?

Asaf: Your diet is a girl?

Me: Nu, bemet—"dietah" ends with an "a". That means it is a she.

Itai: Of course!

Me: Of course, she will probably die.

Hadas: I have faith in you.

Me: How sweet. Now remember, if she does survive, and I do lose the 20 kilos and look halfway decent and date-able, I am counting on you guys to help pimp me out.

Asaf starts to choke on his stuffed peppers. Itai looks confused. Hadas takes it in stride "Oh, we can do that already!"

Indeed? Stay tuned for updates.

Oh—the diet is still not dead. If she makes it to January 7, she gets a name. What to name her…that is the question.
(Names of co-workers changed)


MoChassid said...

Is alyn a girl's name?

Anonymous said...

Good for Hadas! I suspect she is absolutely right and you are eminently date-able just as you are. Still, it's a fascinating question, what to name a diet.:-)

I am ignoring the obvious possibilities (Sh'dufa, Chatuva, Dkika, Raza, Tzimuk - hey, if someone can be called Einav, why not Tzimuk..) in favor of Shula or Yocheved.

Gila said...

I was thinking along the lines of "Roxie".

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

Thanks for this post, I am very down today, but this post really made me laugh.
I think you should call her Gili. All the girls I know called Gili are hot (much better word than kusit), so a dieta with that name should make you that too.

Gila said...

Or I could name her Kusit. Or even "Operation Kusit".

Anonymous said...

Actually, I'd rather go weighle watching at the beach.

Baila said...

It's funny, I have the same hobby.

Name her sufganiya.

Tzipporah said...

LOL - yes, you are definitely insane. That's what makes you so attractive. ;)

How about "Colette"? Always makes me think of a little French waif.

RivkA with a capital A said...

OMG, starting a diet in the middle of a war?? You really are brave!! (and insane!)

The word verification for this comment was "gillus" -- I think that is what you should name your diet.

Asher said...

Maus, like Scheveningen? (try saying that with your hands tied behind your back)

Anonymous said...

Operation Dessert Storm? Operation Cast Bread?