Monday, June 21, 2010

Conversation at Shabbat Lunch

You know, every time I have one of these conversations at a Shabbat lunch, it seems to end badly. You would think that I would learn. But I never do.

Me: I just signed up for the Alyn Ride!

Friend: That is great!

Me: Yeah....round number three. This year should be better than the last one. I learned stuff.

Friend: Such as?

Me: One—train. Doing a five day bike ride when you are not in shape is no fun. Two—do not go down hills on your face.

Friend: Those are good things to know.

Me: AAAAAAAND….the moment we get to Jerusalem on the last day of the ride—go straight home. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Do not go to the celebratory closing ceremony at the hospital. Giant shofars, tearjerking and melodrama. Not my idea of a good time. Vile.

Friend: Ahhh….the closing ceremony. That is where they roll out the kids with the wheelchairs? Parade them around a bit?

Me: Yeah, exactly. AWFUL! Of course, a lot of the riders visit the hospital and all that. I do not. I do not volunteer there. I have not even done the tour. . I figure—I am raising money all summer—that should be enough.

Friend: I get it. I mean, you do not want to actually have to see them.

Me: No…it is not like that. It is just…difficult.

Friend: No, I understand! They should keep them locked up. Away from us normal people. Where we cannot see them. And get grossed out by the cripples.

Me: AAAAAEEEEEIIIIII!!!!! Stop! Stop! I admit it! I am a horrible person.

Of course, he did not stop. I mean, this was far too good to let go. No, he just continued on in this vein for the next few minutes.

Right then, so my tour of Alyn is this Tuesday morning. Set it up first thing Sunday morning. After which I promptly sent the friend an email to let him know that his guilt trip had worked. Bastard. I bet his kids are all, like, traumatized and all that. They just seem happy and well-adjusted.

Oh, and I realize that morally, I am pretty much on the level of Hitler. But if despite this, you want to sponsor me, you can do so here.