Saturday, January 29, 2011


Hi! How are you?

Thanks to doing the crazy hours thing for over a year, complete with a ramp up into “life-blasting” hours levels over the last six months, I am now officially burned out. At this point, all I want to do is curl up in fetal position under a blanket and cry. I have not done so for two reasons. First, while my office does feature the beanbag I commandeered from my company’s beanbag room (now devoid of any beanbags thanks to everyone commandeering them for their offices and therefore more properly termed “the very ugly bomb shelter”), it does not have a blanket. And you know, it’s just not the same without the blanket.

To illustrate, using excel:

With blanket:

Without blanket:

Second, even according to my admittedly shockingly lax standards, engaging in either one of the above at the office would be really unprofessional.

As a result, I have had no other option but to continue working, though I do spice it up with grouchiness, self-pity and projecting a general atmosphere of doom , gloom and clinical depression.

I feel bad for my co-workers.

On the bright side, see the boots I am wearing in the above pictures? They are new! Aren’t they nice? They—together with the other three pairs of boots I bought this winter—are the one light in my life right now. Excel would be a light in my life but for the fact that it was being very naughty this week when I was trying to create some graphs. Things are still not 100% between us. It happens.

Monday, January 3, 2011

All Vows

Hello! Happy January! Do you know January means? January means that it is time for me to start obsessing about what I am going to do for Pesach.

Perhaps you are confused. Perhaps you are saying to yourself “what is Pesach?” “Pesach” is Passover, otherwise known as the time we Jews all go stark raving mad and eat crackers for a week. Or perhaps you are saying to yourself “Nu, I know what Pesach is! And that Pesach is MONTHS away!” Well, yes! Exactly! I have to escape. And to escape I have to buy a ticket. And given that approximately 70% of the country chooses to observe Pesach by fleeing from the country (an act which actually has more in common with our ancestors' flight from Egypt than does sitting on our asses and eating massive amounts of food…but I digress), I have to figure out where the hell I am fleeing to and I have to buy my ticket right now. Because otherwise the only tickets left will be for places like Egypt. And as wonderfully ironic as that destination might be, if local crazies denouncing and attacking one another over religious and racial differences is what I am looking for, I really do not need to travel.

But travel I must because I have to escape. I have to escape because I took an oath to do so last summer, as part of a dating seminar. I took an oath because the seminar people made me. As part of the seminar, in addition to having to close our eyes and listen to happy clappy mantras accompanied by a guitar, we were also required to set a deadline, as in: I will be engaged by XYZ date. My XYZ date was Pesach. I chose Pesach because:

  1. they made me choose a date—they really and truly would not take no for an answer;
  2. at that time Pesach was sufficiently far away that my expecting that engagement could happen was more or less credible and
  3. I absolutely loathe Pesach and thought that getting engaged might make the holiday slightly less odious.
But at the same time, as my friends pointed out, what if I got engaged and/or married some asshole JUST in order to meet that deadline? Now, I know I am going to come across as a snarky and bitter spinster here. But, for fuck's sake--I have made it to 40 without doing anything quite so stupid and deranged as getting married just to meet an arbitrary societal or personal deadline. Is this really a risk factor? But, whatever. To defend myself and the holiday from any potential debilitating weakness of character, I set up two parallel goals. The goals look like this:

(See? Beautifully parallel, no? I did this in excel. Isn’t excel great? I adore excel.)

Anyway, so, here we are, four months before Pesach and I am not dating. This makes the chances that I am going to be engaged by Pesach rather low. So I thought “well, sign up for the Two Oceans Half Marathon and book your ticket for South Africa”. But then I thought “But Gila, you are already registered for the Jerusalem Half Marathon. Do you really want to do another marathon?” And the answer is “well, no, not really". So now I have to find something else to do.

Decisions, decisions....