Saturday, June 11, 2011

Enhanced fish tanks

Let’s start with a conversation I had with Kayla at Terem while waiting to have blood tests done:

Me: Hey, they added a fish tank!

Kayla: Yes! It’s nice.

Me: Yeah, lots of fish. That brown one with the spots is funky looking.

Kayla: I think that is a catfish.

Me: Aaaaahhhhh.

Me: You know, they are not eating each other.

Kayla: What?

Me: The fish are not eating each other. Not even the brown one, though I know he wants to. I can see it. Wouldn’t it be so much more entertaining if they would?

Kayla: Well, then you would have just one big fish.

Me: Well, once you run out of fish, you could always toss in the odd poorly behaved child. Or random excess cats from the neighborhood.

Kayla: Yeah, I don’t think so.

Now, clearly, Kayla is wrong. The tank, it is nice, but where is the action here? I decided to go straight to the Terem top: Dr. No.

Me: Hey Dr. No! You know the fish tank you have in the Katamon branch?

Dr. No.: [Looks at me with suspicion.] Yes….

Me: You need to add some carnivorous fish.

Dr. No: Why?

Me: Because it is boring. [You would think that this would be obvious, but apparently not.]

I then proceed to explain the concept—the fish wars, the annoying children, the cats.

Dr. No: Somehow, I do not think that we can do that.

Between you and me, he wants to. He just is afraid of the potential liability if parents take advantage of the tank to get rid of the non-annoying children as well. Insurance rates would skyrocket. It is a business, must be prudent. I get it.

Just so you can see my vision….

Standard fish tank:

Enhanced fish tank:

You see? I was right about the brown fish!

You no, maybe Dr. No is right. Leave the standard fish tank out in the waiting room to lull the unsuspecting populace. Then put the enhanced fish tank in with the phlebotomists. To get them in the mood.

(P.S.--if you click on the picture, you can see it nice and big. My enhanced fish looks wonderful enlarged).

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Alyn Wheels of Love, Take Four

For months, no, YEARS, I have been promising myself that I would start blogging again regularly. This is because my true goal in life to be a Writer. I know this because that is what it says in my Ten Year Plan. And if I blog, that means I am writing. Which means I am working towards my goal. I do so like working towards my goals; it gives me such a warm, fuzzy feeling of satisfaction. But, as a cursory review of my blog posts will reveal, I have not been writing. Every day I tell myself "Gila, from tomorrow, you will start to write every day" in the hope that one day I will wake up and it will be tomorrow already.

Part of the problem is that I really do not have anything to write about. (Do you really want to hear more about my adventures with Excel? I thought not.) Last night at Shabbat dinner I shared my troubles with my fellow guests. In a random fit of helpfulness, E offered to insult me so I would have something to write about. And he tried but he was off his game and so that did not work. (I was kind and reassured him that it was just old age and that incontinence and senility would follow).

So I guess that leaves me with Alyn.

This week I signed up for my fourth Alyn Hospital Wheels of Love charity bike ride. I did so even though I had sworn up and down that I was not, under any circumstances, going to do it this year. I was going to wait until next year so that I would have a year break in between rides. The training, the not training and then agonizing about it, the shnorring…it is so much work. Bu-uuuuut the route looks like fun and I want to see Practical Yael (because spending five months shnorring and training and not-training-but-agonizing is so much easier than driving the 1.5 hours to her house) and Alyn sent an email egging me on to sign up RIGHT NOW! ON THE FIRST DAY OF REGISTRATION! DO IT! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO BE IN THE TOP FIFTY! YOU. MUST. HAVE. THIS. I DARE YOU! I DOUBLE DARE YOU! and Roxie the Diet has come back and isn’t this a great way to get myself to exercise more? Multi-tasking! How efficient! If I am biking all the time I will lose the (now 17) extra kilos no problem. Though at this point I know my co-workers well enough to know that none of them are going to pimp me out but that is okay because, frankly, most of my time will probably be spent in not-training-but-agonizing mode which does not burn nearly as many calories.

In a nutshell, I have lost my mind.

Many fine shnorring posts (and emails, for those of you lucky enough to be in my contact list) to follow. Because from tomorrow, I am going to start writing every day.